YOUR QUESTION

05/21/2020 Michelle

What follows is a serious inquiry, I hope you treat it as such.
Humpty Dumpty has just fallen off the wall. As we know, all the King's horses and men are insufficient to the task of reconstruction. However, you are not. Do you:
a. Attempt to rebuild to Humpty's original specs. And stress out when the outcome is similar to the that of previous efforts. You end up in a tavern, drowning your sorrows with the horses and the men.
b. Repurpose the parts into something entirely different. You end up in a tavern in another land because the King put a price on your head. He doesn't appreciate thinking outside the cask.
c. Use the pieces to reinvent the Humpty brand, maintaining, at the least, his egg-like nature. You end up in that same tavern with the you from b and wake up the next morning spliced together but only your right sides.
d. Fuck this project and walk off the jobsite. You end up in a tavern. Fuck that egg. You saw what happened to the previous three guys. The King doesn't pay you enough for this shit.
e. You are already in a tavern and too hammered to give a fuck in the first place.
I hope you laughed. I did but I'm almost always high af.

MY ANSWER

I should probably reciprocate the highness but it’s a bit early in the day for me and I’m about to do a 20 minute Shaun T intervallic workout. My natural inclination would be to opt for choice ‘a’ although the much disputed identity of our unfortunate anthropomorphic egg-friend compels further research. I do have a tendency to fear change and “keep things the way they were”. The stress of this attempt is also translatable from my natural state, the self-critic if you will. Round objects shouldn’t be placed, unbalanced or unsupported, at a height which puts them at danger. That’s just common sense. I would expect that Mr. Dumpty knew his limits, being a fragile egg after all, and is arguably responsible for his own demise. Perhaps he, too, had previously been at the tavern. Certainly only a speculative suggestion. I guess that’s not the point anyway. Yeah, option “a”.